HOA T-Shirts, Gifts & Merchandise
Shirts, signs, and glassware for people who live under a covenant. The store opens soon — get on the list and you’ll hear first, plus you’re entered in the free T-shirt drawing.
The shirts
Designs in production. Tell us which one to print first.
The original
The one that started it all. Hands off that second A.
The official seal
Every association has an official seal. Ours has a gavel, a martini and an olive — and the address, so nobody has to ask. The rules are strict. The drinks are stronger.
Wildlife series
The goose has not paid dues. The goose will not pay dues.
Patrol division
For the board member who takes the evening walk very seriously.
Survivor
Awarded to anyone who has appealed a fine and lived.
Hero
Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear lanyards.
Conversation starter
They will ask. You will tell them. At length.
Fear of TeenAgers
Fear of TeenAgers. Awareness is the first step.
Hero series
Drop that zero and get with a hero.
HOA Inspectors
Official squad merchandise. Yell responsibly.
Public service
A message from the board that actually cares.
Board edition
What happens at the annual meeting does not stay at the annual meeting.
Beyond the shirt
Six things we are printing first.
BAC Drink Coasters
Each one a different blood-alcohol reading, from 0.00 (“sober and still like this”) to 0.18 (“citing a lawn gnome”). Absorbent. Deniable.
Property Value Yard Signs
Corrugated, with an H-stake. Planted at the approved setback, in an approved font, at an approved distance from the sidewalk.
Official Violation Clipboards
The single most powerful object in a community association. Comes loaded with a pad of novelty violation notices.
Novelty Violation Pads
Carbonless duplicate, so you keep a copy for the file. Leave one on a friend’s door and watch the color drain out of them.
Impaired Wine Glasses
Deliberately, structurally impaired. Still holds wine. Arguably holds more wine.
HOA Patrol Tumbler
Fits a golf cart cup holder. Keeps the patrol beverage at patrol temperature for six hours.
The rest of the line
The rest of the lifestyle line.
Yard Signs
Planted at the approved 18-inch setback, of course.
Impaired Wine Glasses
Deliberately, structurally impaired. Still holds wine.
Shot Glasses
For measuring grass height. Allegedly.
Hats & Polos
Board-member cosplay, fully licensed by us.
Tumblers & Koozies
Patrol-ready. Fits a golf cart cup holder.
Coffee Mugs
For the 7 AM inspection shift.
Novelty Violation Pads
Leave one on a friend’s door. Watch the color drain.
Inspector Uniforms
Squad gear. Pom-poms sold separately.
Which design first?
We print the ones people actually want. Email impaired@drinkingandhoaing.com with the design you’d buy, or your own idea. If we print yours, you get the first one free.
Support Team Leaders: Drinking & HOAing Support Groups are coming to a town near you. Team Leaders get free T-shirts and yard signs. Volunteer to lead one →